Time of the month

It's just so damn fucked up that every single argument evolves around nothing else but money.

Just because of one fucking ticket, one fucking pawn ticket it sparked off this whole thing.
do i have to stand in front of the whole lot of you... crying, begging and declaring that i'm going through a hard time?

What you see is only the surface. you only see that i've been out enjoying, shopping, having fun.

When i am at my poorest, when i was all alone, when i was starving... who was there, who knows of it, who helped me?
NO ONE
i made it through without help either.

And i am the one at fault for not bringing money home, the one who always have something against the things you say, the insensible one and the unfillial one.
but doesn't the above actually sounds pretty familliar?

I may be at fault for not bringing money home right now. but truth is, if it's within my limit, i definitely would... but i don't have enough. if you think that it's selfish of me to say these, it's up to you.





Seriously, people who can say "i'm too busy thus i didn't call you at all" is full of excuses.
busy but i can hear you guys laughing and joking around. so busy you don't even a few minutes to go for a pee break? or even have your meal?
quit giving excuses.

Who was the one who said that i don't even bother to share with him what's going on in my life which ends up with him having no idea at all... it's more like you're the one who can't be bothered enough to make time.

All he ever does is try to pacify me or make things up and talk nicely to me only after i flare up. what the fuck





And i've had enough of holding back what i wanna say all along... this relationship is just god damn bloody fucked up la.

Don't ask me where i'm gonna go or move to if one day our relationship sours... i have my own plans.

Putting blames on his godsis who grew up with him for telling me the truth...
the fact is you can't forget your ex and no one else but you yourself said that, what's there to hide?
there's no one else to blame but yourself for choosing to do all these shits.

I don't think it's wrong that i flare up when he told me his ex girlfriend invited me to go along with him to her birthday party.
i'm not interested to go to a hypocrite's birthday party and put on a fake smile in front of people i don't like. and i'm damn pissed that he's so insensitive.

She is so full of herself that she can say to him that she knows that my boyfriend doesn't loves me at all.
because he loves you or what?
they are clearer than anyone else the reason why...

Yes, i can harp on this forever
the key to real forgiveness must involve trust, but i don't think i'm ready to trust this ass yet.
so what's the point of wasting time being togther?
i asked him this only to have the reaction of a mute.

Making someone lose faith and trust in you is as easy as the snap of the finger, but winning back the trust lost is near impossible.
which is why i've lost hope and i'm started to resent him.
i don't think i'm to blame because i know i've given him a second chance already.

And right now, after so much has happened... it really shows how much this relationship and he is worth holding back.

It is soooo assuring when he tells me that he's gonna keep in contact with her but he's not gonna tell me about their conversation. even more assuring to use his buddies as shields and excuses...



Lastly, i don't care if his friends read this. because that girl who is also a friend of their's is really irritating, disgusting and cheap.
and if my boyfriend is hurt and pissed that i talk about his lovely ex girlfriend like this, that's just his fucking problem.




Why is it you girls read silently... whenever we talk, you all would say that you've already read about it on my blog and then the conversation somewhat just ends that abruptly and silently.
i know you girls don't go through all these, and having such conversations make you feel at lost of what to say and how to react.



Imma go bathe and have dinner now... sitting for a test tomorrow and i haven't even touched on revisions yet.