Surviving

Through eyes filled with hatred and anger, all they see is that i've been taking the wrong side... but i take no sides.
no matter how wrong it is for a Father to budge into the personal matters of his child, he does not deserve to get continuously bashed. needless to say threatened at knife point.

Lethal words and a vicious tongue does not equate to having the capabilities to out-talk and emerge as a winner in an argument. it only adds fuel to fire, angers the one on the receiving end and causes heartache.
it wasn't that i couldn't be bothered with what was happening. nor that i'm siding my Father. but all i could think of is to solve things with minimal violence and in the most rational manner.

My Dad cares for us, in the wrong way. in the traditional way. in ways we can't accept. in ways we think is ridiculous.
but one can only be blind to actually not notice his efforts to stop or control his violent tendencies these days. how he chose not to fight back when he could have. how he could have chosen to be violent like how he used to be, but did not.

Having histories of Depression does not give one an excuse to be violent. nor one the trump card to have things their way. nor the rights to point a knife in anyone's face and threaten to stab them.

It pained my heart to see an aging old man being treated like this, needless to say my Dad. and i understand how hurtful it is to be taking a step back yet not receive any credits for the biting the bullet and putting up with their nonsense. instead, being trampled and walked all over on.
it also pained my heart to see my sister going through all these frustrations and pain. to lay her hands on someone i know she does love deep down, i know that it must also be killing her inside too.

I believe that no matter how violent a person is, they do feel remorseful towards their own actions. it's only human.

One does not have to take anyone's side in a family fight. nor get violent just because they are being violent. instead, take a breather and calm down.

I'm still surviving, not feeling even a tinge of anger or hatred towards either party... only heartaches.