Unappreciative friends

The only reason why the behavior of certain people in my life can affect me so much is cos i've place too much importance on the friendship that we share. they've caused me so much disappointments, pain, anger and have me questioning myself on whether or not somewhere or somehow i've done or said something wrong. or maybe i didn't do enough, maybe i wasn't good enough, maybe i'm just unworthy.

I hate how some of my friends can torture me with their insensitivity so effortlessly.

Thankfully, sometimes it doesn't take long for me to bounce back up and go: "F you!! nothing's wrong with me, i don't deserve this!!!!" these worthless people in my life just happen to be in control, and i need to find a way around to regaining the upper hand. i need to get rid of them, recognize that they're not worth all the effort.

But most of the times, i'd just tell myself to bear with it and give them another chance to prove that they're not as bad a person i think they are. in cases like this, i'd end up wanting to beat myself up cos i can't decide what to do. i want to voice it out yet i can't bring myself to, i try to put up with the nonsense and end up being really upset.
sometimes, they'd asked me questions like if i'm okay and my instincts tells me that i'm supposed to say i'm fine no matter how affected i am. it's like they're asking a question they have an answer to. if the need arises for them to ask such a question, do you seriously think i'm okay? and that if i'm not, would i honestly tell them that i'm not?

I know that the only way to get things to improve is to thrash things out, tell them how i feel, tell them what's wrong. but honestly speaking, i hate to be placed in such situations. if it comes to a point where i have to tell them in their face what's wrong with them, that'll be the time i turn around and leave. if i have to be honest and harsh with them, i think it'll totally ruin the friendship and things will never be the same again.
i always, always drop hints... HUGE HINTS. i'm sure these people felt those vibes but they just refuse to take the hints and continue to push their luck.

So for now, they're staying on the "persons to ignore" list.